November 13, 2011

I've got the Blues.......PPD

I don't want to come off like I'm saying I know what severe postpartum depression is like because I probably don't.

What I DO know is that after my youngest,Jacobi was born,I experienced a surge of emotions like I never had before.

I felt like the world was spinning so fast,like I couldn't keep up ;everyday was a blur and I spent as much time in bed as I could.

I didn't feel like I had just had a beautiful new baby boy-I knew he was here and I felt empowered and amazing about our wonderful homebirth-but I didn't find the joy in life with my new little bundle.

What went through my mind was thoughts of incompetence,loneliness and wanting my days to just hurry up and end.

The things I was feeling might possibly have been related to being a new mommy again-I won't say it wasn't.

Hubby and I had difficulties communicating our feelings,so there was always tension.

I didn't feel I was important,and I was feeling under-accomplished on a daily basis.

I felt I needed to assume the 'happy life' of others around me-people who always seemed so cheerful-and just be content and count my blessings.

I felt hopeless everyday-my life had changed in an instant;I went from being in control to feeling completely out of it.

Why couldn't I handle my tasks and why did I feel so tired all the time?

Other moms were always taking all of their children places and spending such quality time with them.

All I felt was insecure and ashamed for feeling like I wanted to be alone,just by myself, in the quiet to figure out what was wrong with me.

I wanted to fix what was happening with me.

Looking at my children and feeling guilty for never doing enough-but not having the energy to do more than the basics.

The things I used to take pride in-keeping the house clean,running around outside with the boys and being chipper-I couldn't seem to grasp the desire to enjoy.

I felt like asking someone for help would complete my circle and make me a failure.

If ever there was a Niagra falls of tears that fell,it was from my eyes;I felt powerless,lost in this strange new place where I was suppose to feel happy,but was at so many times far from it.

I would sob into my pillow,sit solemly while nursing Jacobi,praying that I would just feel some joy in my new life with this new baby.

Every day I faced a battle to just 'get through' it.

I felt so alone in every sense....But yet I felt smothered,needed from every direction.

New babies take a lot out of anyone,but then I also had three other boys who desired my attention,demanded more of me than I felt I could handle on my own.

I thought everyone would feel it was silly to be so concerned about kids doing 'kid' things and that possibly,if I couldn't manage the children I had,that I should consider not having any more babies.

Often I would wonder,"what is the point?" when I am just barely getting through my day,all I do is cry and I'm not being a good mother.

This went on for almost 4 months and I'm still fighting with a rollercoaster of emotions.

I denied that I could have postpartum depression....How could I have it when I never had before?

But now,looking back and having research it a bit,I realize that I did have it.

I still struggle at times with my emotions and with my daily challenges-but I know everything will eventually fall into place.

Some of the symptoms of PPD are:

•Are you feeling sad or depressed?

•Do you feel more irritable or angry with those around you?

•Are you having difficulty bonding with your baby?

•Do you feel anxious or panicky?

•Are you having problems with eating or sleeping?

•Are you having upsetting thoughts that you can’t get out
of your mind?

•Do you feel as if you are “out of control” or “going crazy”?

•Do you feel like you never should have become a mother?

•Are you worried that you might hurt your baby or yourself?

I'm not saying that a few of these aren't normal post delivery side effects.

But the more serious ones and ones that don't go away are a sign that you need to find someone to talk to.

It doesn't make you crazy,it just means that you need a little more support.

I never had any thoughts of hurting myself or my baby or my other children-but please,if you ever feel this way-find someone,ANYONE to take your baby while you calm down and find someone to help you figure this out.

There are tons of resources and help out there from people who know what you are going through:

Postpartum International website

Finding local help

Baby blues connections

Mother-to-Mother support

Sometimes is can be helpful just to talk to another person.

"The only thing that kept me sane was knowing that others had PPD and made it through. I searched desperately for anyone with my symptoms to reassure myself that I, too, would one day have my life back and be happy to be alive. By far the most help came from former sufferers."~Quote from a mom who suffered PPD


  1. Về các giải pháp, vị chuyên gia này cho rằng đầu tiên phải tập trung nguồn lực phát triển hệ thống ban thang may Mitsubishi thay vì tập trung xây thêm đường dịch vụ vận chuyển hàng hoá là chủ yếu như hiện nay. Vì thực tế ở nhiều nước đã chứng minh việc xây thêm nhiều cầu, đường hoặc cầu vượt sẽ có xu hướng người dân sắm thêm phương tiện cá nhân van chuyen hang ra Sai Gon và ùn tắc chỉ giải quyết được trong giai đoạn đầu khi đường mới làm xong, sau đó lại tiếp tục tắc nghẽn van chuyen hang ra Ha Noi.

    Do vậy trọng tâm trong những năm tới là phát triển van chuyen hang hoa ra Phu Quoc công cộng chứ không phải xây thêm đường van chuyen hang di Da Nang.

    Dẫn ví dụ việc xây dựng tuyến metro số 1, ông Du nói: "Lẽ ra khi xây tuyến van chuyen hang di Hai Phong thì không nên mở rộng xa lộ Hà Nội, vì khi mở rộng đường, đi xe cá nhân sẽ tiện hơn thì không ai chọn metro. Nếu không mở đường cứ để kẹt xe thì tất yếu người dân sẽ chuyển sang dùng phương tiện công cộng”, ông Du góp ý thang máy chở khách.