December 18, 2011

He can't Help It

The best words I've heard from one of the people I respect the most in my life- "He can't help it"

If there is one thing on this planet that makes my stomach turn upside down,it's having my son becoming overstimulated in public.
There.I said it.
And maybe I sorta feel like the worlds most useless mother because I feel that way....Or maybe it's because I am embarrassed over his behavior.
There's also a pretty good chance I have such a low confidence level as his mother-I can't even make my own child mind!

When he acts out inappropriately and I try to intervene-whether physically or verbally-he becomes a little (or a lot) of a distraction for other people.....
When this happens,I get a knot in my stomach and I feel like I can't breathe....It's horrible.

Our family-my parent's,my brother's family and my friend who was gracious enough to join us and the boys and I (hubs had to work)-went to Christmas at the Zoo.
Needless to say,there was lots of stimulating things-music,people,smells,lights and of course the fact that we aren't suppose to be at the Zoo at night!

We had a few moments-moments where I started once again to doubt myself as a parent-and I did my best.
That's all I can do anymore.
I was screamed at:
"I hate you!"
"I don't want to go to your home!"
"Leave me alone!"
"I don't want to hold your hand!"
"No! I'm not going to!!!"

It's just hard.
I feel like nobody understands and I hurt so badly knowing that there are probably plenty of people thinking:
 "Some people just shouldn't have kids...."
"If that kid were mine...."
"What a little brat!"
"She has too many kids and she can't control that one"

And on,and on,and on.

But then I called my dad tonight after I got my children into bed.
I brought up how Caleb had acted and that it was hard for me to handle him.....
My dad said "He did okay for most of it....until the end and by then he was just a bit too worked up and excited"
"Yes,but it's hard because even though YOU understand,other people don't...." I said.
"I know....But He Can't Help It"

Thanks dad.

And you know what?

And I really need to break through all the self doubt and see that it's not my fault and I am doing the best I can.
I love my son-just like I love all of my other children
It's not easy being his mother-but it's very character building!

So next time we experience a tough time,I'm just going to remind myself: