The Freebirth of Beckham

January 20, 2017
I was 41 weeks pregnant for my 7th baby.

A wise woman once told me that babies are easiest to care for when they're on the inside- and my experience with half a dozen of them confirms! So after several days without sufficient rest, I didn't feel up to giving birth. (Due date, schmoo date!)
I wondered how well it would go over if I just said "No, not today uterus" if contractions began.

I'd had random contractions, usually at night...which explained my tiredness.
As far as I was concerned, I could just stay pregnant for another week or two.

But this night would lead to something (and someone) special.

Three of my children were staying at my parents overnight (as per our weekly routine) and we knew if I went into labor, my mom would come over and need to bring Marlena, who was still little and in diapers.

That evening, I experienced some random contractions- which I told a friend "While it would be nice for these to pick up, I'd take a good night's sleep!"

I laid in bed and attempted to get some sleep, but it didn't come.

Saturday, January 21, 2017 (41+1 weeks)

2:32 AM-
"My contractions are coming every 8-10 minutes for the past hour, but I'm not calling it labor" (I texted my friend)

This wasn't much different than other contractions I'd had off and on for weeks, but knowing my husband would be leaving for work soon, AND knowing that I often don't know it's really labor until I'm getting close to birthing, I needed to decide whether to ask him to stay home or not.

I prayed for discernment regarding this decision.

4:01 AM-
I began having my usual pre-labor symptoms that often start within 12 hours of giving birth (puking, going to the bathroom a lot) and the first "bloody show".

Contractions were spaced out and super random.

Every 10-35 minutes I would get a wonky rush, but I figured this would lead into active labor.. eventually.

I told my husband to stay home and he began to fill the birth pool so we could add hot water when I needed to get in it.

I began to pray during contractions:
"Lord, thank you for this incredible blessed opportunity to bring forth life. Jesus, I ask that you grant me a quick, smooth, easy labor and birth"

It was a slow starting labor and I still didn't feel confident it was really "it".

5:00 AM-
I felt tired and figured since my contractions were nearly non-existent I would try to get some rest.
I popped in my head phones and turned on some relaxation music.

Knowing that I would be giving birth soon was working against my efforts to sleep.
The odd contraction pattern made me feel like I was kind-of-sort-of sleeping for a few minutes, but not really.

At one point I felt a rush coming on and I got on my hands and knees in my bed.

5:50 AM-
That's when it happened. My water broke.
Except I didn't know it right away.

I felt a little kick or punch, very similar to how my water broke in pre-labor with Marlena, but I didn't feel any liquid, so I brushed it off and laid back down.

About 10 minutes later, I got up to go use the bathroom and that's when I figured it out, water splashed on the chux pads as I stood up.
"Did I pee myself?"

No. I don't have to go that bad.
I took a few steps and the water ran down my legs.

"Uhm, my water broke"

The next hour was filled with more bloody show, more amniotic fluid leaking, and more non-existent contractions.

7:30 AM-
My mom had arrived with Marlena and the other children began to awake for the day.
I attempted to take a shower, hoping that the water would help me relax and allow labor to pick up and it worked.

For the whole 15 minutes I was in the shower, I had contractions every 2 minutes!

But once I got out of the shower,and things stopped again. There was so much pressure and it was feeling like things were progressing, despite there only being random contractions.

8:30 AM-
I went to my room and the children kept coming in to see me, halting any glimmer of contractions.
Even hearing their voices out in the other room would take me out of primal mode and into tension.

"Call my brother and ask him if he can take the kids, or this baby is never coming out!", I begged my husband.

I didn't want actual food, so I kept eating dried dates for quick energy.
I drank lots of water and kept using the bathroom.

"Just waiting on you, baby"

Baby remained very active, kicking and squirming during the entire morning.

9:30 AM-
My brother agreed to come pick up the four children (the other two were still with my dad) and I felt like I was holding back a freight train, waiting for someone to clear the tracks!

I messaged my friend "This is not going as smoothly as I'd like.I wanted a night labor and birth!"

Apparently I manage having children around except when I'm in labor.

I decided to try the shower again after some much needed aromatherapy.

During the few contractions I experienced, I praised Jesus for the chance to give birth. I was ready. Beyond ready.

10:03 AM-
I was standing in the bathroom, feeling the sensation of late active labor, but not having the contractions to prove it!

My husband knocked on the door and informed me that my brother had picked up the kids.

BAM!!!

"Now that's what I'm talking about", I thought.

Contractions!

I go lean over my bed.
Contraction.

I kneel next to the bed because it feels good.
Contraction. Another one and another!

"Honey, you seem close. Do you want to get in the pool?"

I didn't care. Here, there. I felt like the flood gates were opening!

My husband added hot water to the pool and got me some water to drink.

10:30 AM-
One way I know that I'm close to giving birth before I start to, well, give birth?
Don't. Leave. The. Room.

My contractions were coming back to back and I needed counter pressure and hip squeezes.

My husband and I agreed that if I was going to have a waterbirth, I needed to get myself in the pool.

The following 10 minutes went like this:
Contraction/counter pressure
Husband leaves room
"Get back here!"
Moaning
Contraction/counter pressure
Hydrate
"Ooh, mm" (motions to push on my back)
*Repeat

Then I started shaking. My teeth were nearly chattering.
My contractions were piggybacking. No break. One would end, another started right away.

I'm close!
Transition always makes me begin to doubt myself, but I know better than to let it drag me under.

"I'm doing this. My body is doing this!"

I felt like giving little pushes. I needed something to focus on, despite there being no big urge to push.
Little pushes during every contraction.

10:44 AM-
I'm was in an upright kneeling squat with my arms resting on the side of the pool.

I felt baby rotate and move down and I  put a little more effort into pushing.

I know that full feeling of a baby entering the birth canal...I know it very well.

"Baby's coming" I groaned.

My husband called my mom to come into the room, when she entered, I didn't notice, but I know she did.

I pushed again and this time baby's head was crowning. I panted instinctively to slow the process and allow for baby to slowly ease out.
I touched the baby's head as the next contraction helped to birth the head partway and abruptly the rush ended!
My hand on my baby's head, I said "uh uh" and I pushed baby's head out fully, along with the shoulders!

In doing this, I don't think I gave the shoulders time to rotate before pushing baby out. This caused it to be more intense than it needed to be. Oops.

I needed to lift myself up a bit as baby's body emerged from mine.

10:46 AM-
Thick, goopy vernix was the first thing I noticed when I touched my baby under the water.
As I brought my baby to me, I paused ever so briefly to see my baby's face before lifting this sweet one out of the water and to my chest.

My baby cried and reached up to touch my face.

Healthy lungs! What a lively, strong baby you are!

I gasped out, "We did it!"

Looking down, I discovered that I had myself a baby boy!

"It's a boy!"

We agreed that his cry was husky and at first I said "He looks just like Bella" (they all look like the others at some point!).

More hot water was added to the pool and I nursed my fresh newborn baby boy.

We hadn't decided on a name yet.

11:30 AM-
I started to feel chilled and cramps informed me that the placenta was ready be be birthed, so I got out of the birth pool and hovered over the roasting pan.

"Here comes the cute part" I laughed, allowing the placenta to slip out.

We tied and cut the cord and baby pooped everywhere before we got a diaper on him.

I was bleeding pretty good, but I felt okay.
My husband weighed baby boy (later I measured him, he was 20 inches) while I cleaned up.

He was 8 lbs 11 oz

We got snuggled up in bed and I realized baby had blonde hair like Payton, one of our older boys.

I took some AfterEase and Motrin (after birth pains are usually awful for me!) and we rested a short while.

I decided later that Beckham Charles was a good fit for this special little baby boy.

***************

His birth still makes my head spin.

Only 40 minutes of active labor!

Hey, I prayed for a short, easy birth and I got it!

The FreeBirth of Arabella

February 13th 2015-

Subzero temperature day.The ground coated in a white,fluffy blanket of fresh snow.
Not the kind of day I would wish to leave my house,especially not heavily pregnant.

I am far past the day which most women assume their baby would arrive,but having gone to 41+1 with my previous baby,I wasn't really in uncharted territory.

I felt good,I felt ready.I felt capable,peaceful,intuitive.
Babies come when babies are ready,and my baby decided that approximately 41+4 was the right time.

6am-

I awaken to a contraction.

Knowing that it could very well just be a random contraction,I wait for it to go away and I try to rest in bed a bit longer before my children can't possibly wait any longer for breakfast.

I continue to have contractions every 10-15 minutes through the next two hours...really short contractions,but also very real contractions.

9:30am-

My husband calls on his break and I inform him that my contractions have not picked up,but seem to have spaced out since the kids got up,so IF I were to have a baby that day labor likely would not pick up again until later in the day.

I called my mom to inform her as well,since she would probably be helping with the kids if I happened to start laboring down during the day.

10am
I decide to cut my oldest boys hair,as he has been asking for a few weeks,and what better way to help pass the time.

I begin to put on my apron,when a huge contraction comes crashing in.I grasp my door knob,amazed at the strength of the rush.

"Caleb,mommy can't cut your hair right now...please keep an eye on your siblings for a few moments"
I lose all sense of calm for just a brief few seconds and text my husband:
"I think maybe you should come home...I'm serious"

A shower was what I needed,so I took a hot shower...The hot water pounding on my back felt incredible.

My husband arrived home and took over most of the childcare duties while I rested.

12noon-

Go figure,my contractions had spaced out again and were much more tolerable.

I felt whipped.I had no energy,so upon the suggestion from my fellow freebirthers,I had a snack of protein,fruit,and dates for energy.

It was a special moment:I sat with my (still) youngest,my daughter,eating dates and having the occasional contraction.

3:30pm-

My contractions are picking back up a bit.I'm still not ready to call it (labor),but I am hibernating in my bedroom as if it is really my time.

I read a few affirmations and go into my primal mindset.

I am ready.My room is my safe haven.I don't need much to birth a baby,but I have all I need.

I tell my baby:
"I am ready to meet you baby"

4:30pm-

I call it.

"This is it"

It's not going away until my baby is in my arms.

It's Friday,so that means two of my children are to stay the night with my parents and I don't want my husband to leave,so I call my mom to come get the boys.

We start to fill the birth pool.

5:15pm-

My mother arrives and at this point,I am needing to really focus during my contractions.
I feel like my baby could be born very soon,so I ask her to take the boys back to her house and then come to help with our younger three so Matt can attend to me if I need him.

I lean in the doorway between my bedroom and the bathroom,staring at the door frame through each contraction.

"This is my baby being born"

6:00pm-

I am not aware of the rest of the world or even much of the happenings in my own house.
The birth hormones are making me so very sleepy between contractions,yet so aware of my body and baby.

I get in the birth pool and allow the water to cradle me as I rest my head on the inflated edge,dreaming of my baby,watching the visuals in my head of life coming forth.

I nod off,dozing in and out between contractions.

I decide to take a hot shower,as my instincts are to be more upright.

7:35pm-

After a soothing shower,I go back to my bedroom.

Matt has put Marlena in bed and I hear the faint sounds of my mom reading to Payton and Jacobi in the living room.

I start to feel like counter pressure is helpful,so Matt begins tending to my need during contractions.

As with my last labor,I lean over/into the birth ball while I stand next to my bed.

I start repeating an affirmation in my head during every contraction as I breathe:

"In peace,out tension"

It helped,so it ended up being my main affirmation during the entire labor.

8:15pm-

I tell Matt that I think he should put the boys to bed.

While he is getting them tucked in,I have several contractions and I have to brace my hands on the wall or in the doorway.I breathe deeply,slowly,with great intent.Consciously sending oxygen to my baby and my body.

I pray and ask God to help me continue to have such a peaceful labor and birth.

Matt comes in my room and says that the boys are in bed.

Upon hearing that,my body kicked into gear.Contractions became much more regular and intensified.

I felt tired between contractions-even dozed off through many of them.

A contraction would start to wake me,and I had to move as swiftly as a pregnant woman can,standing up and leaning over something while Matt would press on my back and hips.

A few times,I took too long to fully wake up and I just couldn't stand up once the contraction was coming on.Matt would hold my hand and we would acknowledge "Waited too long"
Matt brought me a piece of cheese to help energize my body.I fell asleep eating it!

8:45-

Matt seems tired from doing counter pressure,and I want to save his energy in case I need it later on in labor.

I decide to take another hot shower to manage my contractions.

I would turn the water super hot for the length of the rush,then fairly cool between contractions so my body could cool down.
My water hadn't broken and there was no visible bloody show.

I experienced a blissful contraction,one that must have been chuck full of oxytocin.

I felt so good being upright,standing and bracing against the shower wall.

"I could have this baby right here in the shower,standing up"

It sounded like a wonderful plan.I felt very flexible in regards to how I would give birth.

There was a lot of pressure.

I talked to baby a lot:
"Baby come out,come on baby"

I decided to get out of the shower and use the potty-and finally I had some bloody show/mucous plug.I think I actually squealed.

9:25pm-
Matt comes in the steamy bathroom where I am leaning over our changing table.
I feel a ton of pressure and a hallowing feeling in my cervix.

"I could have this baby right here" I think to myself.

Matt asks if I want to get in the birth pool,as it seems like one or both of us must have thought baby was coming very soon.
I tossed the idea around in my head and decided that maybe I did want a waterbirth.
Matt added more hot water to the pool and I sank into a deep kneel,leaning my upper body against the side of the pool.
My contractions were coming about two minutes apart,and after one of them I said "There shouldn't be more than maybe 20 more.I can do that" (I don't know where that thought came from,but I had to say it out loud)

9:35pm-
After a few contractions and Matt applying counter pressure,I felt a fullness in my birth canal.

"Hmm,maybe a few little pushes" I thought.

I pushed a little bit and I felt the "baby" coming down.
I pushed a little more,a little more and....

"Splush!!!"
My water bag.
It was my water bag-the amniotic sac.

"My water just broke" I declared.

I started to feel shaky all over like I always do during transition.
I knew I would be birthing my baby any minute.How exciting.How powerful!
The rushes were coming one after another and I felt so much pressure.

I decided to give in to the feeling to push.

After a couple little nudges from my own pushing,my uterus moved baby down.

9:43pm-
Baby was coming fast!

"I'm pushing,baby is coming" I said to Matt,while groaning.

"Ma,she's pushing!" Matt said,loud enough for my mom to hear from the living room.

I push a little more-one push,two pushes,three pushes..baby crowns.

I am still in a deep squatted kneel,and I feel my baby crowning.

I put my hand down and feel my baby-

Soft,wrinkly,vernix-coated hair.

"Are you OK?What are you doing?" Matt asks.

(He later tells me: "I was pressing on your back,watching behind you for a baby to come out!")

"Fine"

I feel baby's head touch the bottom of the pool,so I lift myself up a bit to give enough room for baby's body to be born.
I pant as baby's head and shoulders are born,never taking my hand off of my baby's smooth,cheesy head.
It's incredible.

I am catching my baby!!


9:45pm-
Baby glides out of my body and I grasp baby and bring baby up to my chest.
"Wow,you are so tiny" I think to myself.
I lean back into the side of the pool,cradling this tiny,cheesy baby.
I'm in awe.I did it.I just gave birth.
It had gone so quickly once things got intense.

Baby starts gurgling and pinking up right away,looking right into my eyes.

"Is it a boy or a girl" asks Matt
I feel around.I even look.

"I can't tell!" I say in confusion.
Matt moves baby's legs and looks:

"It's a girl!We have another little girl!"

I gasp in disbelief that I actually have a second daughter.

She starts to cry that hardy,newborn cry and starts rooting for the breast.
We start nursing right away.Perfect latch.
Matt brings a towel as I look baby over,processing this amazing thing that just occurred.

"Do you have a name picked out for her?" my mom asks.

"Arabella..we don't know her middle name yet"

My mom and Matt make a few phone calls and I sit with baby.

"She is beautiful" I think to myself.

I notice some bleeding is happening,that I feel cold,and baby is not happy either.
I also notice that I have some good cramping and pressure occurring,indicating that the placenta is ready to be birthed.
My mom leaves after congratulating me and informing me that I did a wonderful job.

Matt helps me out of the birth pool and sets my good ol' roasting pan on the floor next to the birth pool.
I squat down and proclaim sarcastically:

"This is gonna be attractive"

After I birth the placenta,we lay baby down and see that the cord is flat and white and since cord cutting was our choice of action,we tied it off with the special braided embroidery string I had made in preparation.
Matt weighs Arabella:

"She's 8 lbs 6oz"

I had guessed she might be smaller than my last two babies who were 8 lbs 8 oz at birth.

I chose to hold off on measuring her length and head circumference,as I was both tired and hungry!

"I am starving!Please make me some food!"

Matt makes me "Egg on a bagel" and I devour it immediately!

"Another please!" I beg.

As I wait for more food,I open the towel we are wrapped in...Meconium!

"She pooped!"

Matt holds Arabella as I go to clean up a bit and put on a postpartum pad.
I feel great.
I have an Oxytocin high so big,I smile and contently soak up all the good feelings.

Knowing that I will likely experience intense postpartum after pains,I take a couple of Motrin and a good amount of AfterEase tincture.
I snuggle up with this tiny new being.

I breathe her in,smelling her fresh little head.
She still has vernix in her crevices and it's caked in her hair and ears.

Birth is incredible.
It's intoxicating.Life altering.

It's about connection.Believing in that which you cannot see.
It's about faith and love.

It's pure,raw,primal.

It can hurt.It can be sweaty.Intense full body work.

It's the beginning of such a beautiful blessing of the relationship of mother and child.

I thank God for birth....for which it has changed me and impacted my mothering,my life,and how I feel about all things.

What I used for my Freebirth

Our birth was fairly basic-I had more than I needed and could have used less than I did.
However,I thought it would be nice for other FreeBirthing women to see what I used.
*Note: You can see my full birth kit HERE


I used:

{My birth pool-La Bassine from yourwaterbirth.com $170 including liner and cover (didn't use cover) saving for future births
{Birth pool liner-included with birth pool
{25 foot water hose-$13 RV/drinking safe from Kmart,saving for future births
{Battery operated submersible pump-$35 from Lowes.It was handy,but not necessary.
{Plastic shower curtain-$2,leftover from my previous homebirth,for under the birth pool to protect floor.
Drop cloth-$3,used for outside the birth pool,by the bed.Can be found in paint section of stores.
Chux pads-Came with birth kit,can be bought for under $10.Several left over from previous birth.
Paper towel-$1.50.I think we used two sheets off of it.
Towels-Already had.Used about 4 total.
Heating pad-Already had.Used for warming up baby blankets/towel.
Baby blankets-Already had.
Plastic/disposable bed cover-Came with birth kit.Could use a drop cloth or chux pad instead.
Sterilized scissors-Already had.Sharp kitchen shears,boiled/wiped down with rubbing alcohol.
Braided embroidery string-$1.50 It was a special thing to braid this for tying the cord.
Peri bottle-Came with birth kit,but a cheap squirt bottle would be maybe $1 at Walmart.
Postpartum pads-($8) Used the leftover ones from my last homebirth.
Diapers-You'd need these anyway.I used disposables for the first two days,then switched to cloth.
Cup for water-I drank a TON of water.I actually had TWO cups next to the birth pool.
Fish scale and handmade sling- Fish scale ($4). Materials for the sling were receiving blankets from my older babies ($0) and some hardware pieces ($2)

*I also used my exercise/birth ball for a good part of my labor($12-15)
*I also had my birth remedy kit from Reignbow birth-and although I didn't use it-and doubted I would need it-it was nice to have.

So,what do I think is *NICE* to have for a Freebirth?
Well,the list above worked nicely for me.

What do I think is *ESSENTIAL* to have for a Freebirth?
Your body,your baby,respect and support from those around you.....and maybe some towels.

Birth is and can be so basic.

But the important thing is to know your options and have the things on hand that you feel will suite your needs.

The Freebirth of Marlena

When it comes to this birth story,I can't seem to define a starting point.

While the physical labor contractions began on a specific day,the emotional and spiritual labor began long before.

For the sake of readability I will start where my instincts tell me are a good point.

My youngest son had arrived one week before his guess date,so I knew that it was a possibility that this baby could also choose to be born earlier than 40 weeks.
When 39 weeks came and went,it became obvious that I would need to submit to the timing my baby had in mind.

My other babies had all been born very close to their guess date or a few days after.
But when the 40 week mark came and went,I began to wonder what exactly this baby had planned for us.

Stayin' positive at 40+4...waiting for baby.

Things in our home felt chaotic,the children were more restless and rowdy than usual and I felt like it just wasn't a good time to give birth.
I didn't like feeling this way.
I was excited for birth,prepared-even over prepared-to give birth....but somehow I didn't feel in the "zone".

Fellow unassisted birthing mothers suggested that I meditate and do what I needed in order to get in the mindset and find my peace.

At 40 weeks 5 days I turned to music and solitude.

It wasn't easy with four little ones,but I managed to squeeze in an hour or so in the afternoon and a couple of hours every night.
I used my cell phone and a pair of headphones,tuned into a Pandora Channel "Instrumental music" and closed my eyes.

*I visualized my baby being born.
*I imagined a flower-like blooming event with my baby in the center.
*I pictured my baby emerging,floating out of my body.
*I prayed for a safe,joyous and powerful birth.
*I read and focused on the affirmations that were taped to my wall next to my ready birth pool.
*I wasn't coming from a place of fear or doubt....I just wanted peace so that I could be ready for my baby to be born.

I felt confident,relaxed and at ease during and after each meditation.

In the very early morning hours of the day that marked 41 weeks,I was listening to the meditation music trying to quiet my mind so I could get some needed rest.
A Jim Brickman song-his cover of "Wonderful Tonight"-a piano tune-came on....I really enjoyed hearing it.
For some reason-unrelated to hearing this song-I felt that my baby would be coming in the next day or so.






Early the next morning-about 7 AM-I woke up to a contraction.
It was low and crampy.
I realized that my bladder was full so I rolled out of bed...the pressure of the baby's head on my cervix was so intense that I nearly doubled over "Wow,that's a new one!" I thought.

I was excited about these sensations.I was ready to meet my baby and the anticipation was wearing on me.

After I used the restroom,I attempted to lay back down for a little while.
In the next 20 minutes I had 2 more contractions-they were intense enough that I breathed through them ,but not yet so intense that I couldn't lay down.

Then I realized that my body was trying to "clean itself out"....this was promising since I've always experienced it shortly before my babies were born.
I used the restroom again and had another contraction,and then another 8 minutes later-they were definitely doing work in my cervix.

I decided to text my husband (who was at work and unable to answer his phone) to let him know I was having contractions,but that I would let him know if things started moving along.

I opted to take a hot shower and see how that would effect my contractions-it didn't effect them and they kept coming about every 8-10 minutes.

My husband called on his break at 8 AM and we decided that he should go ahead and come home.

My other children were awake by this point,so I started breakfast-eggs,fruit and toast-knowing that I would need some nourishment if I were to be giving birth soon.

My only wavering concern about giving birth was the older children.

I knew from my last birth that little ones can put a damper on the labor process-a good thing if you *need* the delay,but frustrating if you are wanting labor to intensify.
I feared that having the children up and about would cut off my contractions.

That fear came true.Alas,my contractions dwindled off to near non-existence.

Because I was exhausted and I was fairly certain a baby would still make an appearance within the next 24 hours,I decided to have a good friend take two of the children for a few hours.
We sent Payton (4) and Jeremiah (5) to play while Jacobi (2) took a nap and Caleb (9) had some screen time.

I had a small lunch and attempted to lay down.
I listened to my meditation music and even fell asleep for a half hour.

I had a few contractions,but they were very sporadic-I had two contractions one hour and one the next.

I felt agitated with myself.
I had informed a few people who might play key roles in my labor process (my mother,husband and two friends who would help with the children if needed) that I was having contractions.

I felt like the "girl that cried wolf".

We picked up the two boys mid-afternoon and started getting things packed for the two oldest boys to go stay the night at my moms house-a Friday night routine event.

We left the house at 4:30 to take the boys to grandmas house-on the way I had two contractions.
My belly was very hard and the baby felt really low.

After we dropped the two boys off at my mothers house we came home and ate supper with the two youngest boys.
I retreated to my room after we ate so I could try to get some rest.
I felt very fatigued and knew that I may have a long night ahead of me.

7 PM-
I began having contractions once again-still spread out,but intense enough that I needed to get out of the laying down position and on all fours to feel comfortable.
I had my birth ball on my bed,so when I felt a contraction coming I would get up and lean over it.
I tried to lay down and rest,but every time my eyes would drift shut a contraction would come on.


7:45 PM-
After about 45 minutes of contractions coming every 12 minutes or so,I felt another one coming on.
I swiftly (as a pregnant woman can!) maneuvered myself onto my knees and laid my head on my birth ball.
At the end of this contraction I experienced what felt like a gentle "punch" to the cervix.

When I stood up to go use the restroom,a trickle of "water" ran down my legs!
As I started towards the bathroom thinking I might have peed myself,a small "gush" of fluid ran down my legs to the floor in a puddle!

"Wow...uhm,honey?? I think my water just broke!!"

I had never experienced spontaneous rupture so early in labor!

I knew this meant that things would be moving along,so I decided to call my mom to come over-she would have to bring the two boys back with her and they would need to get ready for bed.
She said she would be right over,so then I called my friend who said she would come over to assist with the children.

Matt (my husband) decided it was time to fill up the birth pool.
I started laying out drop cloths and chux pads where needed and turned on the heating pad for the baby blankets and towels to warm.

I was thrilled that things seemed to be happening and I felt so peaceful-calm and content.

I made sure to drink lots of water and was using the bathroom between contractions-which were still fairly far apart and not very regular.

8:45 PM-
My mom arrived with the boys soon after I got in the birth pool.
Matt,my mom and my friend Amy got the boys ready for bed and then everyone came in my room.
Every time I would get out of the water to use the bathroom more amniotic fluid would gush out and run down on the floor.
My mom was suffering from bad allergies,Matt had been awake since 2:30 AM the previous morning and I didn't sleep well the night before either.
I kept laying my head on the side of the pool.I was terribly exhausted and just wanted to sleep.

After a while I realized that I wasn't having too many contractions and I didn't like feeling like people were waiting on me.

I stated "I feel like a watched pot!"

They took the hint and retreated to the living room with the boys to help them relax for bed.

I felt blessed that I knew just what I needed.There was no fear of what was to come or doubts as to what was best at each moment.

10 PM-
I decided that maybe being in the water was hindering the process.
It had been storming outside,but it stopped so I opted to go for a short walk.

We didn't make it very far and the pressure was intense in my cervix.
The amniotic fluid was still leaking down my legs as I walked.

We came back to the house and I used the restroom...there was pink tinge and mucous when I wiped.

"Yes!" I thought "Things are really happening!"

Because I opted not to monitor the baby's heart rate,I was instinctively paying attention to the movements of the baby-and there was no shortage!

I feel that God blessed me by having my baby be active while I was laboring.

I chose to stand in my room next to my bed and just lean over my birth ball at the edge of my mattress when I would have a contraction,swaying my hips and really focusing on breathing deeply and calmly.

I began to pray every few contractions.
I thanked God for the knowledge and ability to give birth and asked that He help me experience birth as He designed.

11 PM-
The contractions started getting really powerful and I was feeling a lot of the sensations in my back.
I attempted to do "hip squeezes" on myself to see if that would help and it really made a difference.
Matt noticed that I was doing this,so he took over pushing my hips together during each contraction.
He must have noticed that I was progressing by the sounds I was making and he began telling me things like "You're doing good baby" and "Just breathe through it".

I told him "This is hard work...I am so sleepy"

I felt certain that my baby would be moving down soon and I really began coaching myself using words and phrases from the affirmations on my wall.
"The power of my contractions isn't more than me.It IS me"
"I can do all things through HIM who gives me strength"
"I am Stronger and Smarter than I believe"

11:35 PM-
My contractions were coming about every 3-4 minutes and we could tell that I would be entering the phase where I wouldn't be getting out of the birth pool again,so we made sure the water temperature was warm enough and I got back in.

My mom had taken turns coming in to sit with me a few times,but she wasn't feeling well-and we were ALL tired.
Matt was doing his best to do hip squeezes from outside the birth pool and I was on all fours.
I kept looking up at him between contractions and just sighing "I'm working so hard...I'm so tired"

He would gently say "I know...you're doing good baby"

During contractions all I could focus on was breathing.I was amazed at how powerful the rushes were,but I reminded myself that I can handle anything for a minute,that this wasn't something happening TO me and that every contraction was bringing my baby that much closer to me.
My mother went out to the living room to rest while Matt stayed with me.I knew it wouldn't be much longer and I have always had a concern with people leaving the room...once my babies start to be born,there isn't usually much time to get back in the room!

12 AM Midnite-
The contractions were coming about every two minutes and lasting about 45 seconds or so.
They were incredibly powerful and left me shaking from head to toe following each rush.
Matt kept applying counter pressure and doing the hip squeezes-this was so incredibly helpful.
I began praying between every contraction-I felt like I would drown in the intensity of the sensations if I didn't do something to maintain my mindset.

I would say very short prayers and affirming words-

"I can handle anything for a minute"
"There is a power that comes to the birthing woman,she doesn't ask for it but it invades her"
"The intensity of my contractions isn't more than me,it IS me"
"This is one moment closer to meeting my baby"

"God,please continue to bless me with a joyful birth without fear"
"Lord,please help me to be strong and experience birth the way it was meant to be"

Between contractions I remember having that same "drugged-out" feeling I had with Jacobi's birth and during contractions I would moan-doing my best to keep my tone low and open.
Each contraction would start and the intensity would build so slowly at first,I had to question if it was really the start of a contraction.
Then the rush would gain power incredibly fast and the strength of it was something I had to grab onto and ride out.

12:15 AM-
I felt like I had been experiencing some rather strong,productive contractions and I wondered if maybe I should give a few little pushes during the next contraction to see how it felt.
I prayed and asked God that He bless me with the chance to begin pushing my baby out.
I didn't feel an "urge" to push,but somehow my instincts told me that I should try to ease into pushing.
Within a couple of gentle pushes I felt the baby move down.

I said "ohh,pushing"
But I'm not sure that Matt heard this first proclamation.
The contraction ended,although the urge to push didn't....I did my best to just relax and try not to push without the help from my uterus.
When my next contraction began,I gave a big grunt of a push!

"I'm pushing! The baby's coming!"

This time it got Matt's attention and he called out to my mother "Ma,she's pushing!"

My mom rushed in and sat on the bed.
I pushed again and the baby was in my birth canal-what felt like "halfway" to me.
My contraction ended and I had to "pant" to keep from pushing without the power of my uterus.

The next contraction began and I gave some good grunting pushes-moving the baby down felt like more work than my previous babies....like there was more to move.
I wondered "Is this a really BIG baby or what??"

I wasn't afraid of birthing a larger baby,but the extra work and unique sensations made me wonder.

I felt the head at my perineum and quite a bit of burning,so I slowed my pushing and panted...instinctively I felt the need to go slowly with crowning.

The "ring of fire" as they call it has never been that bad for me,but this time I needed to ease the baby's head out to avoid the burning.

With the next push I felt the head come out.

"The head is out" I said-quickly followed by "Don't pull on it!"
I couldn't recall if I had mentioned to Matt not to pull on the baby-he didn't though thankfully!

Added note by Matt: "The baby came out looking down"
The fact that I was on all fours means that the birth position commonly referred to as "sunny-side-up" aka posterior in the lithotomy/back laying birthing position,baby would have been looking UP.


My baby was born posterior



Added note: Baby had bruising on her cheeks from what we suspect was a nuchal hand
(A nuchal hand was also suspected earlier in pregnancy due to cervical twinges,cramping and general discomfort that would indicate a possible hand by the head/face.
Baby also continued to keep her hand up by her face after birth.)

12:20 AM-
The next contraction came on really quickly and I had to push with quite a bit of effort to move the baby down and out the rest of the way.
I felt the baby's body leave mine and Matt gently guided the baby through to me

"Here honey,take it!" He said

I scooped the baby up out of the water and brought it to my chest as I leaned back against the side of the birth pool.
I felt victorious!
"Is the cord around the neck?!" Matt was asking.

*Matt had seen some blood/mucous on her neck,but in the dim lighting he couldn't tell if it was the cord.
I heard him,but I was off in my own world.I knew that the baby was fine-I could tell where the cord was and that the baby was squirming and livening up.

"Honey,is the cord around it's neck?" Matt repeated.
Finally I graced him with an answer of "No,it's fine"

"Is it a boy or a girl?" my mom asked softly

Not looking,I placed my hands down by my belly and between the baby's legs...there were "missing parts".

"It's a girl!!"

My mother went into kid-at-Christmas-time mode (which I didn't notice until I watched my birth video later on) waving her hands "Amy,it's a girl!" she said,trying to contain her excitement.
I was gleeful,yet shocked...and still in complete awe that I had just given birth.

Matt was watching carefully over us-he asked if I was doing OK and then said "C'mon baby,cry for us"

It wasn't important to me that the baby cry right away,but because we are conditioned to believe that healthy babies scream at birth,it was understandable that Matt wanted to hear her cry.
Often babies who are born gently are very calm and quiet at first.

"You're so tiny" I told this perfect,vernix-coated new being.
She had a good layer of goopy vernix on her shoulders and bum...and didn't seem "post-dates" at all.

A few moments of sighing and breathing in my newborn and my mom tried to take the pictures I had requested she take.
Unfortunately I had left the camera on multiple-shot mode,so we only got a few pictures due to the confusion.

Finally,baby girl graced us with her first cries.

I then joyfully proclaimed:

"I did it...and I have a little girl-wait,I better double check!"

We looked and sure enough "It's definitely a little girl" said my mom (followed by "I knew it,I knew it!")
"What's her name?"  asked my mom
"Uhm" I said,caught in oxytocin bliss "Marlena"

I sat there taking in every moment,every part of her...just staring into her eyes.

"I did it!" I sobbed

This was what I had wanted for Marlena and I.

"I did it!!" I was overcome with emotions.

Matt had gone to wake up our oldest,Caleb,who had wanted a sister for SO long and had a hard time going to bed that night knowing I was in labor.

"Look at your baby sister" My mom said to Caleb.

He was quietly excited-probably quite tired,but I believe he was completely thrilled all the same!

Marlena had come out rooting around some and sucking towards my chest,so I obliged her.
I no sooner put her to the breast and she latched herself on! I couldn't believe it!

Matt added more hot water to the birth pool since I wasn't quite ready to get out yet and Caleb took a few minutes to get to know his sister,putting his finger in her hand.

12:55 AM-
I felt some cramping and knew the placenta was probably detaching and would need to be birthed soon.
My mom decided to take Caleb to her house and Amy left as well.

I spent a few more moments in the warm water and then decided that we would be more comfortable on the bed.
Matt helped me out of the birth pool,the placenta was still inside me and we hadn't cut the cord.
We wrapped Marlena and I in a warm towel-I held her sweet,naked,vernix covered body to my chest.
I made my way over by the bed and noticed that I was dripping a little blood on the blue and white disposable pad on the floor-this was indicating to me,along with the heaviness I felt near my cervix that the placenta was ready to be birthed.

1:15 AM-
I knew that Matt wasn't thrilled with the idea of meddling with the placenta,so since I was standing up on a chux pad I asked Matt to hand me the aluminum roasting pan I had ready to put the placenta in.
I am rather proud of myself for how I managed this part...Matt says I looked like a cave woman,but hey,cave women gave birth too....right? (arguments over whether cave people actually existed aside of course!)

I took the roasting pan,set it on the floor between my legs and squatted down.

"This might not be terribly attractive" I warned.

I gave a tiny little push and "plop!" out came the placenta!

I don't care what anybody says.That.Was.Cool.

1:25 AM-
We decided that things would be a lot easier if we cut the umbilical cord.
It had been an hour since Marlena was born and the cord was flat and white.
Matt retrieved the braided string and sterilized scissors.

He tied off her cord and together we cut the cord.
We then weighed Marlena and were shocked that she was the same birth weight as Jacobi,our 39 weeker/homebirth baby.
She seemed so tiny,so we wondered where she put those 8 1/2 pounds!
I measured her head circumference-it was 13.25...not all that big.

Matt held Marlena while I quickly used the restroom.

We marveled for a few moments over how incredible her birth was,how perfect she was.

"You did awesome.I'm proud of you" Matt said to me

He tucked us into bed and we all tried to get some much needed rest.

Marlena Suzanne
Born 8.31.2013 at 12:20 AM
8 lbs 8 oz 19.5 inches long

My experience of having a freebirth-
You know,it wasn't right away that I even thought about "how" I'd given birth.
Even as I write this and finish it up 10 days after Marlena's birth,it doesn't seem like it should be such a big deal.
While to some people the idea of unassisted birth is so "daring" or "brave"...maybe even "careless" or "risky",to me it was just birth.
It was a woman having a baby.
It was just normal and natural-no super hero feat.
It wasn't to keep up with a growing "trend" or prove anything.

The politics of how I gave birth mean nothing-not to anyone else.
What matters is that the natural,physiological process was unhindered and our needs were honored and respected.
For our healthy birth,this was essential.

There was so much thought,education and prayer involved.
I grew so much from this experience-and I know without a doubt that it was best for Marlena and I-spiritually,emotionally and physically.