My Favorite Bread Recipe

When I was growing up,my mother always baked fresh homemade bread;I recall eating the dough and then paying for it later with an upset stomach-which my father told me was due to the dough 'rising' in my intestines....I'm still not sure if he was just trying to keep me from eating the dough or if it really does 'rise' in my stomach.......I should Google that.

Since becoming a wife and mother,I have been searching for a recipe I could make my 'own' signature one.
I have finally discovered one!
I enjoy making my bread into a braided loaf-which we generally use as a side to soup or with butter as an addition to any meal-and this recipe works wonderfully!

It doesn't come out heavy or tough,and instead is super fluffy and light-which makes it not last very long in this house-but it's so yummy it's worth it!!

It's so great I thought I would share with my friends-YOU!

Honey-Whole Wheat Bread

prep:35 min; Rise:1.5 hr;Bake:45 min
Makes 2 loaves-total of about 32 servings

3 cups whole wheat flour
1/3 cup honey
1/4 cup shortening -I use a non-hydrogenated one
1 tablespoon salt
2 packages regular or quick active dry yeast (about 4 1/2 teaspoons)
2 1/4 cups very warm water ( 120 degrees)
3-4 cups all purpose or bread flour
Butter melted if desired for brushing over loaves after baking

Mix WW flour,honey,salt,yeast,shortening and water until well mixed (this will be very moist-no fear-you will be adding more flour).
Then add the AP flour one cup at a time until the dough is easy to handle ( think not stick-but not dry either).

Take the dough and place on a floured surface;knead until springy (think 'dough-boy' not to heavy,but very bouncy).
Place in a greased bowl-coating dough evenly by 'turning' one placed in the bowl;place in a warm spot,covered (I use a dishtowel over my bowl).
Let rise until double (usually about 1-2 hours) and then place on a lightly floured surface.
At this point it's up to you how you shape your loaves.

You can make a classic bread loaf,or-like me- you can split the dough into two sections,and then use each of those to make a braid by dividing the dough into three sections and braiding.

 Pre-heat the oven to 375 degrees.
You can allow the loaves to rise more while the oven pre-heats.
I don't generally need to bake for anywhere NEAR 45 minutes-it's closer to 20 minutes-so watch closely!

Soft and fluffy braided bread

I use the same recipe for ooey gooey cinnamon rolls

"Diagnosis Depression"

It's been almost two years since the sobbing,irritability and a host of other symptoms consumed me.

For the past few weeks I've been frantically seeking therapy-and for the first five phone calls I was told that because I have insurance I couldn't qualify for a reduced fee and since my insurance wouldn't pay a single cent towards counseling until our deductible is met,I had to slam the phone down out of frustration each time.

Every time I would hear "I'm sorry,we aren't able to help you" I would feel instant sadness....How could I keep putting myself out there,asking for help and being turned away?

I finally received a phone call back from a christian counseling clinic.
"We can help you"

YES!!

I had to wait a week for an appointment that would fit into my schedule.....and that week was LONG.

Today was the day.

I met my therapist.
As soon as she asked me to share my 'story',I just burst into tears!
"I'm sorry,I thought I might do this" I said.
"You aren't the first one,it happens a lot" she replied.

I started my story by explaining how my life turned upside down soon after I became pregnant for Jacobi in October 2010.
I told her how I'd been sick and how I wanted to sleep all day,yet no matter how tired I was,getting to sleep at night was impossible for me.

I went on to share how after I had Jacobi,I was unable to shed the baby weight and how completely exhausted I was.
I explained that I cried a lot and how I just wanted to lay in bed all day.
I described-with tears streaming down my face-how difficult just providing for my other children had become,how making the boys dinner took everything out of me.
It was at this point that she looked me in the eyes and with a sympathetic face asked "Do you know now what all of this was?"
I nodded.

"Postpartum Depression"

She didn't have to tell me....

I went on to share how my whole life is affected by these feelings.
How I still don't want to get out of bed,how anxious I feel and how I often just want to run away.

When I told her how I have reoccurring dreams about leaving my children at home alone while I go somewhere,only to remember and rush home to them,she informed me that I am probably very hard on myself.

"You want to be a good mom,but when you don't do something as 'good' as you think you should,this is your brain continuing to beat you up,even in your sleep!"

We talked about some homeopathic things I can try.

Omega-3's and avoiding caffeine are on my list.
Recognizing when I'm feeling a certain way and writing it down in a journal so we can discuss ways to manage those feelings.
She is glad that I'm a breakfast eater and wants me to continue with the type of diet/nutrition I am currently eating.

After over an hour of balling my eyes out,I realized that I had touched on so many subjects and I still have more to talk about!

My therapist said a prayer to close my session,and I just couldn't stop crying!
"I must have needed this for a while!" I said.
"It can be good for you to get things out" she replied.

She handed me a book "Women's Mood's-what every woman must know about hormones,the brain and emotional health" by Deborah Sichel M.D. and Jeanne Watson Driscoll,M.S.,C.S.

I look forward to having quiet time so I can read it.

She also noted that I shouldn't yet rule out medication because sometimes it is really needed and can be very helpful.
"I don't want to leave you hanging out there for too long" she said.

Thank God.

I'm tired of hanging.
That's how I feel most of the time...I'm just *here*.

I'm only getting through the day-not living it.

Hopefully a few months of ball-my-eyes-out sessions will help me get back where I want to be......

The Highs and Lows........PPD

I don't know how many people will really get this.....probably the women who have been where I am.
Maybe this will help some folks understand the reality of Postpartum Depression-the reality I've been living for over a year now.

I always thought that PPD was a severe mental disease that made women want to kill their babies.

After having three children I never experienced more than a couple of days worth of the 'baby blues' which consisted mostly of post birth 'let down'-of no longer feeling the anticipation of meeting my baby....and of course a few tears.

I didn't feel like I needed to worry about ever having PPD-it just couldn't be in the cards for me....right?

WRONG.


When I unexpectedly found out I was pregnant for my fourth baby,I was in the midst of planning our wedding (yes,we do things a bit backwards around here.....) and had just become a full time stay at home mom.
I wasn't upset that I would be a mother again;I feel that children are the biggest blessing in life and I felt honored that God chose to have me experience this again.

I ended up with a really bad ear infection-which gave me a fever of 102.2 for over a week.
I also had morning sickness ALL day and my energy levels were non-existent.
For almost 2 months it felt as though I had been run over by a train.

I noticed that I was really emotional and I cried a lot.

I was sick once more around 24 weeks and this time it was a cough/fever combination.
Our marriage was struggling....with my lack of energy and illness,I could barely keep it together to get out of bed when my husband had to leave for work at 3pm.

I also had soreness related to my pregnancy-my pelvis felt like it would split and my hips hurt so bad I could barely turn over in bed.
At 39 weeks I had gained 50 lbs-but I didn't really worry since in the past I always lost the baby weight within 3-4 months,so this wouldn't be a big deal......

I put SO much thought into how peaceful and natural my homebirth would be-and it was.

It was perfect.

The transition to life after the birth of a new baby always takes a few weeks.....so when the overwhelming emotions kicked in,I wasn't too concerned-"Just give it more time" I would tell myself.

On Facebook my mama friends would post how they took their children to a park or a store and it seemed so 'free' and easy for them......I on the other hand could barely feed my children supper without feeling suffocated and anxious.
I really just thought I was a bad mom....maybe I just wasn't cut out to have more than a couple of kids-or any at all.

Each day was a battle....and it continued.
After a couple of months,I noticed that the 18 lbs I had lost after Jacobi's birth,had crept back on.
I realized that everytime I felt stressed or overwhelmed,I was darting into the kitchen and eating something.
I felt unattractive......And I was sore-my pelvis was still very tender from pregnancy.

I also wasn't sleeping well.....even when Jacobi would go to sleep at night,when I SHOULD be sleeping I couldn't.
I would stay up late and watch TV or be on the internet....relaxation was far from possible.
Most nights I would sleep less than 4 hours total....and it was broken up.
A few times I just couldn't take it and I would impulsively get in the van barefooted in the middle of the night once my husband was home and just drive for a while.

Being a patient person-mostly by nature-I barely recognized myself at times.

I would ask my oldest child to do something and if he had a difficult time following directions (which we usually struggle with) I would feel breathless and irritated.
And then the guilt would kick in....I would end every day thinking "What's wrong with me? Why can't I just be the mom that I want to be so badly????"
The phone would ring and I just didn't want to answer it......but at the same time I felt desperately alone.

It took everything in me just to take a shower....let alone even imagine entertaining anyone!

My husband didn't understand how to help me and he would get frustrated.....I would cry over everything-sometimes it was because of his just not being there for me like I needed.
I would blame myself....I tried so hard to keep the house tidy and have dinner made for him.
I wanted to enjoy the baby,be a good,involved mom to my other children....but much of the time I would sit and cry while my older children watched episode after episode of Dora the Explorer.

I never really had serious 'suicidal' thoughts-thankfully.....but I did want to run away.
There was never once I wanted to hurt my baby-or any of my children.
A lot of times I would be so upset that I would frantically tell my husband to "Take the baby!!" because I felt so much tension in my body that I felt like throwing something and I didn't feel I should be holding the baby.

When Jacobi was about 6 months old,I was researching a breastfeeding issue we were having......I stumbled on a page in my Ina May Gaskin's guide to breastfeeding :

Risk factors that are associated with postpartum depression-and I had 10 out of 16.

REALLY?
THIS is my problem?

I looked at the symptoms:
Sad or anxious feelings
Insomnia
Headaches
Mood swings
Poor appetite (which I later read that weight loss OR gain are symptoms)
Panic attacks

And I had almost all of them.

Not being a big fan of doctors or medication,I decided to try to 'cure' my own PPD.

I started out with just vitamins and exercise,followed by attempting a healthier diet and some 'self care' which consisted of taking a little time for me every day.

Things seemed to get a little better for the next couple of months....I would have bad days here and there,but I thought I was handling it much better.

A couple of months after we moved into our new house (Jacobi was 9 months old) I had to pull my oldest son-and our only school aged child-out of public school due to it not being a good fit for his special needs.

I started homeschooling him.
At first,it went really well....but after a week he started regressing and having meltdowns.
I realized that trying to homeschool a child with autism was putting me in over my head.
And I started feeling guilty and incompetent once more.
Here I was,unable to teach my child-and still not being the mom I 'wanted' to be...all the while seeing how my 'facebook mama friends' were homeschooling their children and/or doing all sorts of activities.

I couldn't do it.

I wanted to bake bread,play with the kids and teach them how to make their beds.
I wanted to make cookies with the boys,sing fun songs and take them to the park.

And I just couldn't do it.
I felt the anxiety creeping in....it was dreadfully overwhelming.

I told my husband one day "I feel it happening all over again....I feel smothered and hopeless"

Sure enough,within a week or so,I hit that deep,dark place.
I would just sit and cry....I would stare off into space and wish the world would stop spinning.


I am still struggling....

Nothing I have done has helped very much-although I do notice the highs are usually closer together and last longer than the lows.

I feel like I don't really know who to turn to...I can't afford counseling-and we're not considered low income,so I can't recieve 'sliding scale' fees.
I'm scared of medication and what it might do to me.

The thing that bothers me the most is that I can't stick to a healthy diet and exercise plan.
I 'eat my emotions'.

I eat to fill the void in my life where I feel out of control and alone.

I really want another baby......and my husband does too.
But I am concerned about my mood swings and how pregnancy would effect that.
I am also bothered by getting pregnant when I need to lose at least 45 lbs to be at a decent weight (and even that isn't close to my 'ideal' body weight).

When Jacobi suddenly stopped nursing at 11 1/2 months old,I thought "Oh no....I don't know if I can handle this!"

It's hard,but I'm getting through it.

I want so badly to be in control of my emotions.
I want to feel confident and healthy.

I want postpartum depression to hit the road.

And then the ice cube fell on the floor....

It's been a rough day.
I've had a battle going on in my brain since 6am.

Why should I pretend to be happy all the time....I just can't force myself to tell everyone that I am 'blessed' to have a child with autism....blessed to have my child,yes!
But lately,I feel like the walls are closing in again.

Some parents of children with autism might be able to blog about how autism brought them together,or how the new therapies are working well.
Maybe they're in denial that autism affects their family......

I feel like I'm alone.
I feel like day in and day out this is my life.....I want to cry.I want to scream.
I want to get rid of the knot in my stomach.

I am tired of the traumatic moments in my day.
I shudder thinking about him screaming at me.......
I see him influencing his younger brothers behavior.
What can I do to make it STOP.

I wouldn't be human if I said our life is perfect with autism.
I have searched for help for nearly 6 years!
I have had more than 13 different prescriptions placed in my hands.
2 different psychiatrists.
3 social workers.
Upwards of nine 'potential' diagnosis' everything from ADHD to bipolar disorder.

And yet NOBODY will say it.
Nobody will help me.

Because he's high functioning,it just appears that it's ME.
AND I AM TIRED OF THAT.......I am SOooo tired.

It's wearing on me.
My days are blending into the same fight everyday to keep it together.
Today was one of those days...I felt weak.I felt sad.
One thing after another......

And then the ice cube fell on the floor.

That's The Most Ginormous Diaper Bag EVER!

My Diaper Bag had HAD it.

So much for Jeep slogans:


                                      
                                                 
  "The Sun Never Sets On The Mighty Jeep"
                                                 
  "The toughest 4 letter word on wheels"

ok,they can have that last one since it's not on wheels......

 
My Jeep brand diaper bag was falling apart inside and out-and I suppose I'm really lucky it lasted as long as it did for being a $30 bag from Walmart.

Unfortunately,not only did they not carry this bag anymore,it wouldn't have mattered because I wasn't really happy with it.
It wasn't roomy enough-even though it was large in comparison to most diaper bags-for my needs.
I needed something large and spacious for cloth diapering-especially having three children in cloth diapers!
It also had ZERO pockets on the inside of the bag....This might not matter to some moms,but I am a really organized person and I like having things at least somewhat in their place.
I was stumped when I started shopping for a new bag...like astonished at how there were NO diaper bags large enough to suit our needs!
I shopped at nearly every store in town,many online stores and found nothing.

Some moms in the cloth diapering community suggested the Ju Ju Be Be Prepared diaper bag....I was a bit skeptical on the price-okay a LOT skeptical.
But then I considered all the reviews,the fact it does have a warranty,the fact that I will be using a diaper bag for at least the next 6-7 years (given that we have another baby).
I also considered how many diaper bags I have purchased in the last 8 years since having my first baby...I've gone through 7 bags!

After watching review videos and talking to hubby,I made the leap.
I am now the oh-so-proud owner of the Ju Ju Be Be-Prepared diaper bag.
It was an investment-I mean some people spend that much money just going out to dinner every month or so.
Considering the warranty,I can't call it a bad decision for me......but that's me!

'Evening Vines' print

A little sparkle on each zipper

It's a very big bag!

  *See my YouTube Channel for videos and MORE!*

What's in my closet?

Welcome to our Family Closet

Off to the left are my things hanging and the dresser underneath
is the two little boys pajamas,socks and summer clothes.
You can also see my laundry area through the doorway.

The wall on straight ahead: on the left is my 7 yr olds clothes,
his shirts are hanging along with some nice pants and hoodies.
Underneath in the dresser are his and Jeremiahs pjs,socks,undies
and of course summer clothes!
Also,hubby's jeans,work uniforms and nice shirts are hanging
in the middle,and under his clothes are the three little boys
hanging shirts and hoodies.their pants are folded above their shirts.

There is an additional hanging bar above the two tall dressers,
it's not being used for much currently.
The two dressers are mine and hubby's 'other' clothes and misc.
On the far right is the 'misc' and coat hanging area.I store the
extra coats and jackets there and on the shelf above I have
extra diaper bags and totes with winter wear (gloves/hats etc).

Another view
We used the Rubbermaid closet kits...but I recommend buying the
parts you actually need in separate pieces...we ended up with a
lot of stuff we can't use in this area or don't need.

And my laundry area!
I have a different washer now than in this picture...
I love having lots of baskets!
I keep extra hangers in the bar next to the cabinets and I have
a useful folding table!

Thanks for stopping by!

He can't Help It

The best words I've heard from one of the people I respect the most in my life- "He can't help it"

If there is one thing on this planet that makes my stomach turn upside down,it's having my son becoming overstimulated in public.
There.I said it.
And maybe I sorta feel like the worlds most useless mother because I feel that way....Or maybe it's because I am embarrassed over his behavior.
There's also a pretty good chance I have such a low confidence level as his mother-I can't even make my own child mind!

When he acts out inappropriately and I try to intervene-whether physically or verbally-he becomes a little (or a lot) of a distraction for other people.....
When this happens,I get a knot in my stomach and I feel like I can't breathe....It's horrible.

Our family-my parent's,my brother's family and my friend who was gracious enough to join us and the boys and I (hubs had to work)-went to Christmas at the Zoo.
Needless to say,there was lots of stimulating things-music,people,smells,lights and of course the fact that we aren't suppose to be at the Zoo at night!

We had a few moments-moments where I started once again to doubt myself as a parent-and I did my best.
That's all I can do anymore.
I was screamed at:
"I hate you!"
"I don't want to go to your home!"
"Leave me alone!"
"I don't want to hold your hand!"
"No! I'm not going to!!!"

It's just hard.
I feel like nobody understands and I hurt so badly knowing that there are probably plenty of people thinking:
 "Some people just shouldn't have kids...."
"If that kid were mine...."
"What a little brat!"
"She has too many kids and she can't control that one"

And on,and on,and on.

But then I called my dad tonight after I got my children into bed.
I brought up how Caleb had acted and that it was hard for me to handle him.....
My dad said "He did okay for most of it....until the end and by then he was just a bit too worked up and excited"
"Yes,but it's hard because even though YOU understand,other people don't...." I said.
"I know....But He Can't Help It"


Thanks dad.

And you know what?
Neither.Can.I.

And I really need to break through all the self doubt and see that it's not my fault and I am doing the best I can.
I love my son-just like I love all of my other children
It's not easy being his mother-but it's very character building!

So next time we experience a tough time,I'm just going to remind myself:

WE CAN'T HELP IT.

Kids cost too much....?

Yep,that's what they say:
Kids cost so much money-$226,920 per child through age 18 to be exact OR $12,606 per year....or so they say (they being the CDC and not including college funds IF you choose to cover those as well).

I find it hard to believe.....but then I don't live like a lot of Americans!
We would like to have more children and if we believed that children were so 'expensive' that wouldn't be an option for us.
I feel it's sad that the 'burden' of an expensive lifestyle is placed on having children!
People choose to live outside their means....and then blame having children.

Well,if it really takes $226,920 to just raise a child,I guess hubby and I are in over our heads considering we have 4 children living in our home right now!

Here you see how much more we would spend for each child based on 'their' numbers:
Caleb (7) $138,673
Jeremiah (3) $189,100
Payton (2) $201,696
Jacobi (0) $226,920

The 'total' to raise our 4 boys until 'adults' would be : $756,389!!!

I just can't see the reliability in these numbers-and here is how we will avoid them!

The biggest expense is housing-they say 31 % of what the claimed yearly cost is of raising a child.
Our mortgage won't be much more for a seven bedroom home than it would be for most of the 3 bedroom houses we've looked at.
Plus,we view  buying a home as an investment-as long as we're going to own it!
We also plan to pay it off as soon as we can without cramping our lifestyle too strictly.

We don't generally pay for cable TV-we use Netflix and it's only $7.99 to stream their entire instant play catalog!

I shop at second-hand stores/thrift shops and my boys pass down clothes to one another until the article of clothing is beyond repair...And no,my boys don't look homely!
I do buy some special or unique items new like matching Christmas outfits-but even those I buy when they are having a 40% sale.

We don't eat out very often-although we have gone through streaks where we thought we had eaten out more than we should have.

I shop ahead-if it's on sale I stock up.
If we don't need it and especially if it's not on sale,I don't buy it.
I buy in bulk whatever I can if it's non-perishable or if we go through it quickly.
I bake most of my own cookies/dinner rolls and pizza.
I cook up my own meals rather than serve 'convienience' foods like microwave dinners and pre-made dishes.
I also do some canning and freezing with seasonal fruits and vegetables.
Our groceries are about $400 per month and we have plenty to eat!
Most families the size of ours average $800 per month!! OUCH!

We switched to cloth diapers-a HUGE money saver in our home and a long lasting one! Every baby we have can reuse the same adorable diapers until they are worn out!

I breastfeed our babies,so not only does it save from needing to purchase formula,our boys get a great immunity boost as well,hopefully preventing them from illness!

I buy a lot of generic things as long as the quality is still good-why pay more if you can get it for less?!

I also am the 'barber' in our house! I cut all the boys' hair and also hubbys-and while I'm no professional,I get better everytime!

We have also chosen to teach our children responsibility by giving them the option of working to buy some of the things they desire,rather than becoming a 'bank' for them to turn to.
No high priced iPods,video games or personal TVs and cell phones!
You want it,you earn the money and you buy it!
They will appreciate it SO much more using their own money!

All in all,we have made choices about how we spend our money-not all of them good,and we're still learning.
But living frugally never hurt anyone and it will also teach our children how to do the same!
I'd love to hear any tips,resources and stories you might have!!

I've got the Blues.......PPD

I don't want to come off like I'm saying I know what severe postpartum depression is like because I probably don't.

What I DO know is that after my youngest,Jacobi was born,I experienced a surge of emotions like I never had before.

I felt like the world was spinning so fast,like I couldn't keep up ;everyday was a blur and I spent as much time in bed as I could.




I didn't feel like I had just had a beautiful new baby boy-I knew he was here and I felt empowered and amazing about our wonderful homebirth-but I didn't find the joy in life with my new little bundle.

What went through my mind was thoughts of incompetence,loneliness and wanting my days to just hurry up and end.

The things I was feeling might possibly have been related to being a new mommy again-I won't say it wasn't.




Hubby and I had difficulties communicating our feelings,so there was always tension.

I didn't feel I was important,and I was feeling under-accomplished on a daily basis.




I felt I needed to assume the 'happy life' of others around me-people who always seemed so cheerful-and just be content and count my blessings.




I felt hopeless everyday-my life had changed in an instant;I went from being in control to feeling completely out of it.

Why couldn't I handle my tasks and why did I feel so tired all the time?

Other moms were always taking all of their children places and spending such quality time with them.

All I felt was insecure and ashamed for feeling like I wanted to be alone,just by myself, in the quiet to figure out what was wrong with me.




I wanted to fix what was happening with me.

Looking at my children and feeling guilty for never doing enough-but not having the energy to do more than the basics.

The things I used to take pride in-keeping the house clean,running around outside with the boys and being chipper-I couldn't seem to grasp the desire to enjoy.

I felt like asking someone for help would complete my circle and make me a failure.




If ever there was a Niagra falls of tears that fell,it was from my eyes;I felt powerless,lost in this strange new place where I was suppose to feel happy,but was at so many times far from it.

I would sob into my pillow,sit solemly while nursing Jacobi,praying that I would just feel some joy in my new life with this new baby.




Every day I faced a battle to just 'get through' it.

I felt so alone in every sense....But yet I felt smothered,needed from every direction.




New babies take a lot out of anyone,but then I also had three other boys who desired my attention,demanded more of me than I felt I could handle on my own.

I thought everyone would feel it was silly to be so concerned about kids doing 'kid' things and that possibly,if I couldn't manage the children I had,that I should consider not having any more babies.




Often I would wonder,"what is the point?" when I am just barely getting through my day,all I do is cry and I'm not being a good mother.




This went on for almost 4 months and I'm still fighting with a rollercoaster of emotions.

I denied that I could have postpartum depression....How could I have it when I never had before?

But now,looking back and having research it a bit,I realize that I did have it.

I still struggle at times with my emotions and with my daily challenges-but I know everything will eventually fall into place.




Some of the symptoms of PPD are:


•Are you feeling sad or depressed?


•Do you feel more irritable or angry with those around you?


•Are you having difficulty bonding with your baby?


•Do you feel anxious or panicky?


•Are you having problems with eating or sleeping?


•Are you having upsetting thoughts that you can’t get out
of your mind?

•Do you feel as if you are “out of control” or “going crazy”?


•Do you feel like you never should have become a mother?


•Are you worried that you might hurt your baby or yourself?


I'm not saying that a few of these aren't normal post delivery side effects.

But the more serious ones and ones that don't go away are a sign that you need to find someone to talk to.

It doesn't make you crazy,it just means that you need a little more support.



I never had any thoughts of hurting myself or my baby or my other children-but please,if you ever feel this way-find someone,ANYONE to take your baby while you calm down and find someone to help you figure this out.


There are tons of resources and help out there from people who know what you are going through:


Postpartum International website

Finding local help

Baby blues connections

Mother-to-Mother support




Sometimes is can be helpful just to talk to another person.

"The only thing that kept me sane was knowing that others had PPD and made it through. I searched desperately for anyone with my symptoms to reassure myself that I, too, would one day have my life back and be happy to be alive. By far the most help came from former sufferers."~Quote from a mom who suffered PPD