Focusing on right here,right now.

Last week I missed my therapy appointment,and in the days leading up to my most recent session,I did a lot of soul searching.
I stepped away from many of the every-day things I usually do;a fresh mind set became important to me.

Normally I spend every evening in front of the computer-so instead,I cut that time down and found other ways to amuse myself.

This weeks session was mostly about the character in me....

I started out by expressing my 'cautious' relief in feeling so much better emotionally,and then described my frustration over my physical challenges.

"I was always able to lose the weight before,but this time it's different and it bothers me"

I confided how I'm not happy with my current physical appearance and how a few years ago I would have jumped right in and changed it.

"But there is so much more to you than your physical appearance;your weight doesn't define the good you will do-your character does"

I nodded "I feel like in so many ways I've improved-and there's always room for growth"

We talked about things I can do that might help me both physically and emotionally-but she agreed that being too hard on myself about losing weight will only make things worse.

"You still put yourself through a lot of bad self talk and your hormones are still a bit wacky"

"I feel like I just constantly put myself through the wringer and my self esteem is in crumbles"

I went on to describe how sensitive I am about a lot of things and I'm not able to handle criticism well.

"When women are hormonal-and especially experiencing postpartum depression-it's normal to be a bit  'prickly' towards things that others say...."

She started talking about the women in the bible and how strong they were-yet graceful and the humility they portrayed.

"Have you ever heard of Francine Rivers-she was a romance novelist turned christian author"

I replied that no,I'd never heard of her.

She dug through her books and handed me a thick book "A Lineage of Grace"

That should help keep me busy and off the internet more!

I have been feeling a lot better-I'm taking Hylands CALM,Omega-3's,prenatal vitamin and Melatonin to sleep.
I also just started going to our local YMCA gym to workout with a new friend....I keep telling myself "No pressure....just take it slow and take care of yourself"

I am anxious to lose weight-especially since emotionally I've been feeling so much better-and I admit that I desperately want to have another baby.
But it can't be a race.....there's no deadline and no alarm will sound if I don't get pregnant in the next six months!

God knows what is best for our family....and maybe right now he's in agreement that I need some time to focus on the blessings and trials right here,right now.
Considering we use natural family planning for our contraception method,I'm well aware that God has his hand in all things!

The best is yet to come-and taking care of ME will equal taking even better care of my family.

On a side note,I stumbled onto this article and I thought I would share it since I have been dealing with a lot of feelings of not being 'good enough'
8 ways to be a good mother instead of a perfect one