Organizing and De-cluttering with a Large Family

Having a large family tends to run along side having a lot of things.

Even with a fairly large home,it would be so easy to become overrun with stuff.

Because (at this point) we have all boys,there is a lot of sameness and sharing;so many trucks,cars,trains and blocks;lot's of hand me down clothing in every size.

Laundry seems to be never ending and toys are plentiful,so to keep a sense of organization,practicality and neatness,I have developed a few habits;a system if you will.

I read a book a while back that my sister in law gifted to me (A Sane Woman's Guide to Raising a Large Family) and in this book,a particular paragraph stuck out and thumped me on the nose:

"Think of everything in your house as taking up square footage of your home...think of how much you spend on your mortgage or to maintain your home.Now,are those items in your house paying for the space they are using?"
These aren't the exact words the author used,but you get the point.

If I haven't used it in a year and I probably won't use it in the next year,realistically it needs to GO.

If it's broken or missing pieces it needs to GO.

If there are ten more just like it,chances are it won't be missed.

I like to take my biggest "issues" and break them down into four categories:

1.)Clothing

2.)Toys

3.)Trash

4.)Donations

In a large family too many things tends to be the biggest challenge in the home.

Every time we purchase something that comes in a large box (a toaster,toolbox,disposable diapers) I do my best to fill the box with either- A.)trash,or B.) Donations.

Broken toys,socks with holes,puzzles with missing pieces,torn coloring books,old or unneeded paperwork/bills and the like-all go into the trash box.

When it seems that a family member has too many clothes or won't wear an item they have,it goes into the donation box.The same goes for extra kitchen items,toys that don't receive enough love or books that weren't great enough to keep.

TOYS

The boys' playroom isn't always the neatest....but a few times each week we all go in the room together and pick up all the train tracks,books and stuffed animals and put them in their appropriate places.

The boys each have a large tote with their name one it-the older boys have one in each of their rooms with a few of their toys,while the youngest (Jacobi,19 mos) has one in the living room with some age appropriate toys.

We don't leave toys sitting around the house;they either get picked up and taken to the playroom or put in a toy tote.

Laundry

I am no newbie at laundry.

Thankfully my mother began teaching me at an early age all about housekeeping.

When I began thinking about all the laundry that can grow in mounds with having a large family,I was thrilled to see how the Duggar Family manages their laundry situation!

When we purchased our home,the first thing I had to have was a Family Closet<~~you can see mine here.

Once the closet was "installed" and I utilized it,the only thought I had was "How did I not have this before!"

The Family Closet is off to the right~>

Because the family closet is directly beside my open laundry area,it makes it so easy to transfer all the folded or hanging clothes right over to their respectable places.

Every large family should consider setting up a family closet-just the ease of placement alone,having everything in one spot is so convenient!

So those are my biggest tips:

Keep it simple.

Don't be afraid to throw things away or donate them!

Less really is more.

Chocolate Peanut Butter bars (not so healthy but oh so tasty!)

My husband loves chocolate.
My children love sweets.
I like Reeses Cups.

These Chocolate Peanut Butter bars may not be a healthy recipe,but they are SO melt-in-your-mouth YUMMY!

What you'll need:

For the bottom layer-
1 cup of butter melted
1 cup of peanut butter
2 cups of graham cracker crumbs
2 cups of powered sugar

Mix this together and press into the bottom of a cake pan.

For the topping-
1 1/2 cups of chocolate chips (I used milk chocolate)
4 tablespoons of peanut butter.

Heat the chocolate and peanut butter slowly until soft and smooth,stir it up and immediately spread it over the bottom layer in the cake pan.

Let it sit for a while so that it can set-and there you have it!

I did tweak this a little bit-I really can't stand using SO much butter,so I use a little less (about 2/3 cup) and then use a bit of water to add the additional moisture.

The most basic,healthy and tasty potato soup...

I'm not a gourmet cook.
I don't normally prepare foods that have a big list of ingredients-partly because it's a pain and partly because it's rare that I actually HAVE all the ingredients.
I also live by the mantra "Less is more" and it's cheaper......

I love potato soup.

I love to save money.

I love BASIC.EASY.SIMPLE.QUICK. meals.

So,this recipe is so easy I almost feel ridiculous sharing it.















(I must add that I don't generally follow recipes necessarily and I like to just "toss" things together;however I will do my best with sharing how much I used!)

Easy Potato soup
2 pounds of potatoes,peeled and diced.
3 large carrots,sliced thin.
1-2 large stalks of celery,cut into small pieces.
1 large onion,diced small.
Salt to taste.

I cook all of the vegetables in a generous amount of water (I like a lot of broth) until softened.

Sometimes I add some saltine crackers for added flavor,but I also like the soup plain.

When I make soup,I normally bake some homemade bread or biscuits.
You can find my favorite bread recipe HERE

The aftermath of postpartum depression

I have been thinking about writing this for a while now.

The word "aftermath" suggests that there is an end to postpartum depression.

I want to be very clear on something..for me postpartum depression hasn't just "gone away".
What I mean is that although I have found some relief from the intensity of the symptoms,I don't believe that I will ever fully be "over" the impact it has had on my life.

I struggled with PPD for almost two years of my life;nine months of that was actually perinatal depression (while I was pregnant).

For two years my life was disrupted;turned upside down in a way that you don't just "recover" from overnight.

I can't speak for all women either;there's a good chance that every woman experiences things vastly different than I have.
I believe that PPD runs it's course uniquely with each individual woman;some possibly never get "over" it and some have highs and lows that linger for years.

I don't know for sure what caused my PPD...I imagine that it was a cocktail of things:
The hormones from pregnancy and birth;from breastfeeding and the return of my menstrual cycle postpartum.
It may have been related to my unrealistic expectations of myself;the perfectionist that I pressured myself to be.
It wouldn't be far fetched to suggest that environmental stressors-relationships,parenting,poor diet-all had something to do with it.

The thing I can be sure of though,is that it wasn't my fault.

All of those racing thoughts in my head;the negative self talk.....those things were not "realistic" and they weren't fair.

I feel that our culture puts so much pressure on new moms and unlike other countries around the world,the U.S and other developed cultures has the highest and most severe rates of PPD in the world.
We don't support each other;we don't look out for new moms and young families.

Responsibility for the family tends to fall exactly there: on the family.

It's not ideal to have no support and to have all the added pressure of jumping right back up and continuing to manage life as if you didn't just give birth.

We abuse the postpartum period-the Babymoon-by suggesting that it's a weakness to lay around with our new baby;it makes us a failure to ask for help with our other children;we're lazy if all of the household chores aren't done in those early weeks.

When I sought out help for my PPD,it took me months to find someone who would even work with me financially.
This type of battle just to get support made my struggle with PPD worse...I felt so alone-even more so than I did before I decided to seek help.

My mind is a bit clearer now and I have found the courage to stop the negative self talk.
I've gotten my perfectionism under better control and I'm able to forgive myself for not being "perfect".

The journey I have had with PPD will forever affect the way I think;it has made me more aware of what mental illnesses can be like and the frustrations of not getting help when you need it most.

There is no guarantee that postpartum depression won't rear it's ugly head again....and that bothers me.


I have found some powerful tools that have helped me overcome the worst of it in the past-the most powerful tool of all is seeking love and strength through the Lord.
I learned to stop often,not just during times of anxiety or sadness;I would stop and say a little prayer asking for guidance and support.


I wish that I could reach out to all of the women who battle PPD and hold them,pray with them.

PPD isn't fake,it doesn't mean that you are weak.....it means that you are trying to be too strong and you need more time and support.

I don't understand the lack of support;why is there no help available for women with a very real,very serious need.
In a country with all the medical technology who spends more money on "health" than any other country in the world,how do we NOT have help ready for these women?

The reality is that these women normally struggle alone.

I implore all of you reading this:
If you know a new mom or a mom who seems to be struggling with a full plate,reach out.
Pay attention to how she's feeling,ask her what she needs.

Most women who have PPD don't ask for help;they often don't even know what is "wrong" with them.

As human beings we owe it to our mama's,babies and families to pay attention and help one another.

It's the worst place in the world to be when it feels like no one is there.

What's in my kitchen that feeds a family of six for $450 per month?

In a post I wrote one year ago,I mentioned how we don't spend as much as the average family the size of ours does on food each month.

Last year that amount was $400.
I will be honest and say that due to inflation and with our youngest now eating solids-and drinking Almond milk frequently,our food budget has increased slightly.
I still get away with less than $450 easily though.

Let's start with the types of things I buy and the different foods/dishes I prepare with them.
*Keep in mind that we are vegetarians,so some of these may seem unfamiliar or need modifications*


The staple items I buy are:


Potatoes-both white and sweet.
Whole wheat pasta
Brown rice
Whole oats
Dried beans
Organic Tofu
Almond milk-both vanilla and plain
Non-hydrogenated butter
Frozen Vegetables-broccoli,carrots,peas,spinach,brussel sprouts-corn in moderation
Canned foods-mushrooms,olives
Fresh fruits-oranges,bananas,apples-occasionally pears or in-season fruits
Whole grain/whole wheat breads-loaves,hamburger buns-occasional hotdog buns
Fresh vegetables-green/yellow/red/orange peppers,onions,cucumber,carrots,spinach,romaine lettuce,celery-others when in-season (asparagus for example) and others only when on sale or as needed (tomato,avocado,broccoli,squash)
Occasionally crackers for the kiddos (even though they are pretty much void of nutrients....)
Popcorn-learning to opt for organic.
Some cold cereals-cheerios,shredded wheat,raisin bran.
Taco stuff-tortilla shells,hard shell tacos
Peanut butter

******************************
Now,we do eat some dairy still-but as I will talk about later,dairy products can not only be not-so-great for you,but they also can make the cash register go "cha-ching!"

Eggs
Yogurt
Cheese
Occasionally we also buy coffee creamer as my hubby dearly loves his cup-o-joe.
Rare ice cream-mostly around birthdays.

******************************
I also go to each of our local health food stores every few months-this is the part where you may feel a bit lost,so I'll try to explain as best I can!

Dehydrated soy protein-this comes in many 'flavors' and naturally 'dyed' colors/textures.
Canned veggie 'meats'-these are various things-some are patties,hotdogs,'scallops' and the like.
'Chicken' and 'beef' seasoning
Bulk flour (whole wheat and whole wheat pastry)
Organic Corn meal
Raw Cane Sugar (although I do still use regular white sugar in a pinch!)
Vegan shortening



What do I fix?




Breakfasts are normally:
A fresh fruit
Either toast,cereal,oatmeal
Sometimes yogurt or an egg.

Lunches are:
The kids like 'basic' lunches-
PB&J,pasta,tacos,grilled cheese,homemade pizza or even 'breakfast' foods from the above list.
Hubby likes baked potatoes,rice+tofu,pasta,tacos
I happen to love sweet potatoes.

Suppers/meals I fix and we use the leftovers for the next day (or two,or three!)

I like to make chili-I use dried beans,my own canned tomatoes,dehydrated soy protein (looks like beef!).
I make my own loaves of bread (I have a favorite recipe and make a braided bread loaf)
I sometimes make 'oat burgers' from whole oats,onions and seasonings-then bake in 'patties'.
I make my own 'chicken' noodle-using dehydrated soy protein,'chicken' seasoning,carrots,celery,onions and noodles.
I make a huge pot of potato soup-potatoes,onions,carrots,celery...then just add a few seasonings.
I make my own pancakes/waffles.
I make my own 'vegan' cookies-you can't even tell there's no eggs!
I make fresh banana bread frequently with 'too-far-gone' banana's
I will use dehydrated soy protein with tomato paste/seasonings to make homemade sloppy joes.
I make my own cornbread

For the most part,I try to make things when they are 'in-season'...like strawberry shortcake in July,blueberry cobbler in August,raspberry crunch in September,apple pies in October-but I also make sure to purchase extra fresh fruits during those times to freeze for later use!
We eat a lot of zucchini and summer squash in the summer!

I can my own spaghetti sauce,applesauce,pickles,jams,tomatoes and green beans-this comes in handy since I don't have to BUY these things!

making applesauce!

I make nearly everything from scratch.
I buy in bulk.
I stock up when it's on sale.
I keep it fairly basic.




********************************
I will admit that there are months where I sit back and say "How did we spend almost $200 more on groceries this month?!?"
Then I remember-
The package of cookies,the extra yogurt,the juices,the potato chips we inhaled,the canned soup instead of making my own,the ice cream treats or a 'convenience' meal.


These things add up.

And it's OK to have convenience meals sometimes or the occasional ice cream.
But not only are these processed foods not so good for us,they are also LESS FILLING,DON'T STRETCH OUT and COST MORE PER OUNCE.

A 10 OZ bag of potato chips not on sale is an average of $3.89...a 10lb bag of potatoes? $3.99
A 36 count package of cookies is an average of $3.99...I make a full batch of 48 for less than that.

making cookies!

It really comes down to asking yourself while shopping "Do we really need this,or is it just for convenience?"

I accredit most of my budgeting success on cooking from scratch,being vegetarians and learning as I go.
Meal planning helps for some families.
I have heard there can be success in joining a co-op.
There are benefits to farmers markets or sharing fresh produce with neighbors-they grow cucumbers,you grow tomatoes and share.

I'm learning as I go here....and like I said,there have been hiccups in my budgeting!

So,those are some of my tricks and what works for me.....let me know if you have any questions!

Happy grocery budgeting!

Special needs parent's are warriors.

This is from me-the mother of a beautiful son who has autism...and it's to all the parent's out there who have a child who requires a bit more-or almost everything.

It's also to myself.


Being a parent is the biggest,most incredible thing you will ever do.
It's also one of the most challenging things you'll ever do.

And,if you're like me and are the parent of a special needs child,you understand that sometimes it's down right H.A.R.D.

From the looks in the store,the unsolicited opinions from well meaning family members-or the complete lack of acknowledgement that you are even struggling.

From the interrupted sleep,the isolation due to leaving the house sometimes seeming like a living hell-even staying home can seem like a living hell at times.

It's hard not to wish you had a typical life.

A typical child whom you can relate to and spend time with like a typical family.
A typical ability to leave the house to go typical places.

Typical.
Typical.......the more I look at that word,the sillier it looks.

While I think typical is simpler,I also think it lacks a lot.

I have heard people say "I'm glad it's you and not me" OR "I don't think I could handle a special needs child"

They think it's too hard.......and they are so right-it IS HARD.

It's so hard it sometimes sucks the breath right out of you.

You're so tired you can't even cry.
You want to defend your love for your child,but at the same time you want to scream how alone you feel.

But the saying "What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger" is dead on.
It might nearly kill you-or so it can feel-and being a typical family is all you will long for...because frankly,it IS simpler.

But you know what?

Simpler doesn't mean stronger in ANYTHING you do.

Bench pressing 40lbs will always be simpler than benching 100lbs.....but the more weight you add the stronger you will be.

Simpler also doesn't create the character growth that a special needs parent experiences.
Parent's of special kids have more compassion and show a greater amount of sympathy towards others than anyone I know.

They are more grateful for outside help....trust me,when you feel like you're bench pressing 489lbs,it's great to have a spotter-and I mean GREAT.
A night of quiet thanks to someone watching your child(ren) is like 400 of those pounds being taken off mid-press-you can breathe again!

Special needs parents are warriors-
In translation 'Warrior' can mean "a person who shows courage".


It takes courage.


So what I want to leave you with is that YOU my friend have COURAGE.
You are not just a special needs parent.
Not to sound cliche,but you ARE special....it's takes an awesome person to be who you are.

No matter how misunderstood or alone you feel......there are others out here-like myself- who GET IT.

And I think you are awesome because you ARE.

Focusing on right here,right now.

Last week I missed my therapy appointment,and in the days leading up to my most recent session,I did a lot of soul searching.
I stepped away from many of the every-day things I usually do;a fresh mind set became important to me.

Normally I spend every evening in front of the computer-so instead,I cut that time down and found other ways to amuse myself.

This weeks session was mostly about the character in me....

I started out by expressing my 'cautious' relief in feeling so much better emotionally,and then described my frustration over my physical challenges.

"I was always able to lose the weight before,but this time it's different and it bothers me"

I confided how I'm not happy with my current physical appearance and how a few years ago I would have jumped right in and changed it.

"But there is so much more to you than your physical appearance;your weight doesn't define the good you will do-your character does"

I nodded "I feel like in so many ways I've improved-and there's always room for growth"

We talked about things I can do that might help me both physically and emotionally-but she agreed that being too hard on myself about losing weight will only make things worse.

"You still put yourself through a lot of bad self talk and your hormones are still a bit wacky"

"I feel like I just constantly put myself through the wringer and my self esteem is in crumbles"

I went on to describe how sensitive I am about a lot of things and I'm not able to handle criticism well.

"When women are hormonal-and especially experiencing postpartum depression-it's normal to be a bit  'prickly' towards things that others say...."

She started talking about the women in the bible and how strong they were-yet graceful and the humility they portrayed.

"Have you ever heard of Francine Rivers-she was a romance novelist turned christian author"

I replied that no,I'd never heard of her.

She dug through her books and handed me a thick book "A Lineage of Grace"

That should help keep me busy and off the internet more!

I have been feeling a lot better-I'm taking Hylands CALM,Omega-3's,prenatal vitamin and Melatonin to sleep.
I also just started going to our local YMCA gym to workout with a new friend....I keep telling myself "No pressure....just take it slow and take care of yourself"

I am anxious to lose weight-especially since emotionally I've been feeling so much better-and I admit that I desperately want to have another baby.
But it can't be a race.....there's no deadline and no alarm will sound if I don't get pregnant in the next six months!

God knows what is best for our family....and maybe right now he's in agreement that I need some time to focus on the blessings and trials right here,right now.
Considering we use natural family planning for our contraception method,I'm well aware that God has his hand in all things!

The best is yet to come-and taking care of ME will equal taking even better care of my family.

On a side note,I stumbled onto this article and I thought I would share it since I have been dealing with a lot of feelings of not being 'good enough'
8 ways to be a good mother instead of a perfect one

"There is another thing that raises serotonin levels"

I have spent the last week researching antidepressants-well,as much as one can cram into their head in a weeks time.

Currently I am taking Omega-3's,a prenatal vitamin and occasionally some Melatonin.
Many people have suggested some other natural options-some I've tried and others I'd never heard of before.

I have been so worked up about whether or not to go the 'drug' route-and once I started researching some of the more popular medications,I became aware that these drugs can be dangerous!


But seizures,severe allergic reactions,hallucinations,migraines,insomnia,decreased libido,dizziness,nausea,weight gain-the list goes on and on!
And they can make things worse too-suicidal thoughts,panic attacks.

Maybe some people need them....and I'm not saying I'm 100% against them.


Shoot,with the way I have been feeling for nearly two years,I would love to have a magic pill that would just make me 'normal' again.



However,considering that the past week hasn't been so bad,I'm not in a big hurry to open myself up to a pill bottle.
Not quite yet.



I went to a health food store and looked over some of the supplements I'd written down.


Wow,some of them are pretty expensive.....I bought a package of Hylands Calm.

Then,after a large ice cream from across the street (shhh,I made it part of my treatment plan....) I headed for my therapy session.

"How have you been?" she asked.

"You know,this week hasn't been so bad-at least not outwardly....I still feel like inwardly I am struggling"

She asked me to be specific on what I meant.

"The kids weren't fighting quite as much.....hubby and I didn't fight everyday" I explained.

I continued "I am just so tired and I'm completely unmotivated".

"It sounds to me like you are chronically sleep deprived"

I nodded "But even when I take melatonin,I have a hard time shutting my mind off at night"

She explained that my serotonin levels are probably so low,that it's difficult to get good sleep and causes anxiety as well.


"You know,there is one thing that raises serotonin levels...."


Now,let me make sure I am absolutely clear about something :
If it weren't for the sake of raising awareness about postpartum depression,I wouldn't even be talking about this......so if you are concerned of altering who you consider me to be,than read no further.

Decided to risk it by sticking around eh?
I always knew you liked to live dangerously........



I was curious.....What could this 'thing' be?


Was it something I had read about;how much would it cost?
I didn't want to get my hopes up because it might be something currently unattainable.

"Orgasm"

I blinked.

She continued "Orgasms make the serotonin levels 'jump' and it can really impact how you feel"

I stared-a blank look on my face "OK......?"

"I'm serious" she said

So,there you have it.


Low libido is caused by the very thing that 'doing it' can help improve :Low Serotonin.


Who would have thought.......

So,my treatment plan for this week is :
Omega-3's
Hylands CALM or Melatonin
Prenatal vitamin
Sunshine
Water-and lots of it.
Sleep
Light exercise
All the relaxation exercises from two weeks ago.
Not being hard on myself.

AND..........

And the rest is better left unsaid because I have done ENOUGH blushing today.

"If we don't see some improvement by next week..."

"How was your week"

I actually prepared myself for what would come next by inching my hand closer to the box of Kleenex.

"Rough...I'm just exhausted"
"I can tell"  she replied.

"I'm just getting impatient with myself....I just want to feel like myself again"

Cue the tears.

"And here I go again balling my eyes out...."

"It's normal-and very healing to cry" she said sympathetically.
"Well,it's also very annoying!" I laughed.

Then I continued by sharing some of the feelings I'd had in the past week.
"I just want another baby so bad...I want all of this to just get out of the way" I did a sweeping gesture with my hands.
"This isn't me" I continued "I used to be so strong and steady-like I could handle anything-and had all the patience in the world"

"You need to be patient with yourself-it can take time-and adding to it right now might not be the best idea"
She is right....but if I can just make it all go away and feel like myself again,then I can enjoy my life.

"It's like with my oldest son who is autistic,I used to at least want to go places even though it could be challenging due to his behaviors-and ever since Jacobi was born,I don't even want to go anywhere"

Tears are now streaming down my cheeks and I reach for a fresh tissue.

"I don't get it,I've always wanted a big family-even when it's been rough having many little ones in the past,I always managed it so well"

I continue to share my frustrations over not being in an ideal emotional or physical state.

"I need to lose this extra weight and feel good" I declared.

"You need to try and remember that things aren't set up right in your mind and in your hormones-you have low serotonin levels and high levels of cortisol-and until you start getting some good rest,neither of those will level out."

"I still can't make my mind shut off at night.....and then I don't want to get out of bed" I replied.

"It's part of having such high anxiety....you have all these things going on in your mind-that's understandable"

"I feel like I'm just doing the same things day after day....prying myself out of bed,changing diapers,doing laundry-I never get time with my husband-and I don't even want to answer the phone when people call!"

By now I've gone through two tissues.

"I hate to sound like a bad mom,but I'm so glad school is starting in 3 weeks...I'm hoping it will be easier with Caleb not there tormenting and instigating things with his brothers"

There's no stopping me-I have so many feelings of guilt and incompetence.....

"I try so hard NOT to yell that I keep it all in and end up creating an anxiety attack for myself"

I explain how I put a lot of pressure on myself to be a gentle parent and to follow attachment parenting.

"Attachment parenting doesn't mean you are perfect-it means that you nurture and gently guide your children to a healthy state of independence" she pointed out.

"You want a healthy balance of dependence and independence" she added.

It makes me wonder where I fall on that.....

"I just want to have energy and feel in control of my life again" I pouted.

"You know,you meet all the criteria of someone who is depressed...and I was going to give it another few weeks-but I feel strongly that if we don't see some improvement by next week that we should start you on an SSRI"

I sighed.

She continued:

"I know you said that medication was a last resort,but I just hate to see you struggling so much"

We talked about some of the medications and the side affects....and I mentioned how I had been doing the relaxation exercises,but while they worked in the moment,I still felt an overall sense of anxiety.
I expressed the concern over what medications might do-from making things worse to making me gain weight.

"They have done amazing work in most recent years-most of the ones I might try with you don't have the side effects we used to see,like lowered libido for instance" she explained.

Yeah,that's the last thing I need.....hah!

I have six more days before I need to give an answer.

"Be prepared to be weepy for a while"

I was looking forward to my therapy session....I want to deal with whatever is causing postpartum depression so that I can move on with my life!

So on the fluffy brown couch I sit-it's overstuffed and my feet can't touch the floor- "Are you comfortable?" my therapist asks-without waiting for an answer she adds "You're so petite!".
Uh-what?

I giggle and think to myself "petite,yeah....what part of me-not around obvisously-she must mean five-foot,five inches is short"

We start talking about my week-and I go into details about how up until the previous day I had been feeling much better.

"My husband and I had a fight.....about spaghetti"

I sense her extreme curiosity and elaborate "I didn't want it to go to waste and he didn't want to eat it,so he said it was stupid to make so much because nobody eats it"
By this time I was balling (because that's what I do nowadays)

She asked what happened next.
"I went to my room and spent the next 4 hours crying because my husband doesn't know how to comfort me!!"

It's true.



But to be a little fair,I'm not the same 'girl' I was two years ago.
I used to be tough and capable of sticking up for myself.
Now my lip trembles and tears fill my eyes at the mere mention of my doing something less than perfectly.

We talked about how men sometimes get 'weird' when their woman is weepy-and how he might be dealing with his own emotions-and many men lash out or say insensitive things when they are stressed or depressed.

"It's not just about the spaghetti!" she said laughing.
We talked about trying to use "I feel" while talking instead of "You do this/You don't do that".

I told her "I didn't even want to eat the spaghetti because I'm watching my carbs-but I didn't want to throw it out!"

"WHOA,I don't want you cutting carbs right now"

HUH? Are you kidding me right now?

"When people are depressed,carbs are what helps them get by-so no cutting them just yet" she ordered.

"I just really want to lose some of this weight...I'm tired of it" I pleaded.

"You need to give yourself more time-you have a lot to deal with" she gently responded.

Great....

As if that wasn't enough she added "And I like to warn people that it can get worse before it gets better-be prepared to be weepy for a while longer"

Oh,that's just terrific!
I just love having the tears falling for no apparent reason and not being able to control them.
OK,so all the boo-hooing out of the way.....

She went over some relaxation exercises to help block/reduce cortisol (stress hormone) production.

The first one was a breathing exercise much like what I instinctively use during childbirth.
Closing your eyes can be helpful.
You take a deep breath for the count of five seconds breathing in 1-2-3-4-5.
Then you breathe out for five seconds and imagine your belly button being pulled into your back.
The point is to help rid of all the air-and out 1-2-3-4-5.
You do this for a couple of minutes.

The next one she showed me was flex and relax.
You start with your feet,then your calves,then your thighs,buttocks,abs,chest,hands,arms,back and neck.
You flex/tighten the muscle for five seconds and then relax them slowly,concentrating on the hold and release.

She explained that in the special-ops they use this training for reducing stress while in combat for weeks at a time.

"Try to have an evening routine"


Her suggestions
Take a nice bubble bath-you can even do your relaxation exercises in the tub.
Use lavender candles,lavender bath salts-they can be calming.
I actually do have a lavender scented candle on a candle warmer in my bedroom.


I'm not much of a bubble bath person.....only when I'm pregnant-which I'm not.
But I suppose I could at least 'try' to take a bath sometime.


I'm actually excited to go for my session on Tuesday....even if I do ball my eyes out.